New Year

So, another Christmas, another year without a baby.  

Was it rough? Yeah

Did I cry? Some

Am I hopeful still? ...Yeah, I am.

My acupuncturist swears that it felt like I was pregnant, and that I actually got really close this time. She said that sometimes it takes the body a few tries to get it all the way; kinda like it's ramping up in a way.  So, that made me hopeful, you know? I'm getting closer each time...ok, we didn't tell anyone but we did another treatment. We actually don't want to tell anyone when we do these anymore because it was so stressful the first time with everyone knowing and waiting with baited breath with us. Though we loved the support, it was just too much when the test was negative.

You know, if you had told me when we started all this almost three years ago that it would be taking this long....well, I think I would've just said "Screw it, let's adopt!"

But...Well, I want to keep going, keep trying. If I'm getting closer and closer to my body actually doing this thing then why quit now?

I looked up some of my old Bible College friends on facebook today and most of them have kids or are preggers.  It gave me a twinge of sorts.  It would've been comforting to know that one of them has gone through this; of course I don't know that for sure and in all reality wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.  I hope if one of them is reading this that if they have gone through this they'll let me know; even a cyber support buddy would be appreciated.  Though I believe I already have one of those and greatly appreciate and value her support!!!!

I had a good Christmas, I think partly because I really did feel pregnant. I had unexplained nausea for days, I got dizzy at the drop of a hat and I was exhausted.  But then it went away and one came menstruation.  I don't think of it as a miscarriage, but it does sting to think that I probably had a fertilized egg inside of me and it just didn't implant all the way.

It was our nephew's first Christmas, and he was adorable.  As hard as it was to see him and hold him and wish we could tell everyone that we were finally expecting, it was also good to be withe the family; to laugh and talk. 

We adopted a dog for Christmas. Her name is Gracie and she's a two year old Coon Hound mix. She's adorable and so smart! I love her!!!! For pictures you can check out my husbands blog.  

In two months we leave for Kaui and I gotta tell you I would LOVE  to be preggers by then! Even if it does mean I can't drink Mai Tai's; which any of the Hawaiian Islands have the BEST Mai Tai's compared to the mainland.  I wouldn't care though. I'd lay out on that beach even if I did have a baby pooch by then.  But we'll see.

I'm wanting to focus more energy on my career which has been lagging a bit in the last few months. Work has become scarce with the economy the way it is, but our production company and a friend's company is going to be doing some short films just to keep our skills sharp and promote our feature projects. I'm really excited about it.

It feels right and such a relief to some extent to focus on something other than when to start certain herbs and when to start my OPK's!  I'm glad to be driven to do it, instead of moping on the couch the way I was last year.

I have that to be thankful for I suppose!