The Rainbow Connection

Ok, so yesterday we did our first; and hopefully last, IUI.  It didn't hurt as bad as the HSG, but the "slight cramping" was a little more intense than they led me to believe. It was over quickly, at least to Dan's point of view, for me it seemed as it lasted a bit longer.  Dan was great. He stood by my head, held my hand and whispered encouragement to me to just relax and breath. I told him afterwards that it was good practice for what was to come.  

We both laughed at the thought that we could very well be telling our child not just about the day she/he was born but about the day she/he was conceived too. How many kids get to hear that story! 

As we were leaving the building where our OB was, we were walking through a sky bridge and to our left was a gorgeous rainbow. I told Dan it was a sign. He said he didnt' believe in signs, I said I was mostly joking, though it was really cool to have a rainbow yesterday, at that exact moment.  I couldn't help thinking that the rainbow, in the Bible, was a sign of a promise God made to never destroy the world by flood again. It's the sign of a promise fulfilled, a sign of His constancy and faithfulness.   It gave me hope.  Like maybe God was telling me that He was giving us a child, was showing us His faithfulness.  

I'm taking a risk believing as strongly as I am right now, but I have to be honest, I can't help it. I believe this will work, I feel it in my soul. I had a moment yesterday of "What if I'm wrong? How will my faith or I survive that?"

It gave a few moments of fear and sadness, deep and dark like I had walked into a dungeon.  But I made the decision to not think about that right now. If the time comes, I'll face that, but not now.  Now is for believing, and hoping. Now is for waiting with baited breath, now is for relaxing and thinking every day that maybe some little spark of life is growing inside of me.  Now is for trusting.

So, will I post the good news here? yes, but I have to apologize to some of you because you will likely not find out until after the rest of the family does.  But yes, I will post it on the blog. I actually don't know what in the world I'll write about instead to distract you all!  I'm sure I"ll think of something.   I appreciate all your prayers and good thought sent our way, please keep them coming.

Thank God!!!

Last night I saw history made. I felt so very proud, perhaps for the first time, to be an American. In no other Presidential race I have ever participated in have I been so excited and nervous. 

During Obama's acceptance speech last night, I, along with almost everyone else in our living room, teared up to think what hope and amazing things we will be a part of in the next four years; if not eight.  

I am so excited to know that our child will be born into an America with hope, where we are once again respected in the World. Because of the primary and this election our child will live in an America where a woman or a black man could be and has been President.  Anything is possible.  Though Dan and I are white, I can't help thinking that this is huge for all of us, no matter what color we are. 

I am now hanging on any word in the news on the Huffington Post for news about what Obama's cabinet will look like, what his staff will look like. I am on pins and needles to see what he will do. Never have I known this excitement.

I also look forward to the boys and girls' club opening here where I live because I have been planning on volunteering there. I bring that up because Obama, while campaigning during the primaries, inspired me to find a place to help my community like no one has before.

I do know that he is human, he is not god or perfect. He is fallible but he is a man who has brought hope again to us, who is genuine with his regard for all American's, not just the "Blue" Americans or the "red" Americans.  He cares about us as a people, he has revalidated our worth as a people, we matter, our voices are strong and important.  It won't be easy, I'm not sure what it will look like, the hard road ahead. But like he said last night, we will get to the end of it. And in the end, we will be better for it.  Our child's future will be better for it.

Thank God Obama won!