Real Relaxation

Ok, so I have a new book I'm reading called "Conquering Infertility", by a woman who runs a Mind/Body infertility clinic in Boston.  It was a relief to read a book where she talks about exactly the thoughts that have been running through my mind for almost two years.  I had thought I was the only one who was so easily jealous or angry or weepy or just plain insane! But no, I am not insane!  The book deals with the emotional impact of infertility, the first book I've found that does so.  There are so many books on how to get pregnant, but nothing on the emotion behind the profound emotional impact of this process.  It's been a relief to read about other women's struggles, and to also have some tools to begin to deal with the emotions that flare up at the oddest,most inconvenient times.  It's not a how-to on getting pregnant, it's more about how to handle the emotional turmoil that happens within a woman/couple while going through this.  the author has helped some women come to terms with never conceiving a child and either adopting or finding peace with not having children.  Others have conceived after being in her ten week program in Boston.  

There is some very compelling research about the link between stress and infertility, and so her exercises help with relaxing for twenty minutes every day; and I mean really relaxing, so that my body isn't constantly hyped up with stress about where I'm at in my fertility cycle.  She also has tools that help with the negative and destructive thoughts that plague a woman's mind during all this.  It's helped me already and I've only been doing it for three days.

I have to say that lately my maternal instincts have been on hyper drive.  Every kid that crosses my path and that I have any kind of interaction with I want to mother.  It's hard to explain what I mean by this, so I won't try.  But let's just say I've had to restrain myself many a time.

I just started extra herbs to increase my yang energy, my acupuncturist is optimistic that this will help bring my ovulation sooner and keep my energy up afterwards, helping to hopefully conceive.  It's funny, I'm now taking a literal handful of pills three times a day!  I almost fill up on my supplements alone! LOL!   But, it's better than IUI (intra-uterine injections; and yes, they are as painful as they sound! At least according to the women who have had to take them)

We will see what happens.   Right now, I'm working on day by day relaxing, letting myself cry if I need to, which is huge.  I have been trying to be brave, but it feels so good to just let it out and not let it build up.  I'm also trying to be more open with Dan when I'm having a rough day, he's so supportive.  We cry together sometimes and it's so much more comforting than crying alone, although sometimes I do because he's at work.

So, right now the key is: Relax.  And not just the profoundly non-comforting "Just relax and you'll have a baby!" (I seriously don't know who thought that was good advice for couples like us, but it's definately NOT.)  this type of relax leads to acceptance, come what may.  And I so need that.  I have not given up hope, but peace is a good thing to have.