Life is now

I had recently decided to take a break from acting to try and concentrate on having a baby, unsure of what the tests and possible medications would do to my sanity. And I suppose that at first, the break was nice. But as time has passed I realized that for me, it's not the best long term solution.
The truth is that I can't let having a baby consume my life, I can't let it become a part time job. Now, after the baby is here, of course it will be a totally different story. But, I'm not pregnant yet, and I cant' put my life on hold while we try. I think if I kept doing that I would become bitter and more than disappointed; I would feel like a failure if it continues to take a long time. And who needs that!
So, I have made the decision to practice twice a week, to join TPS, to finally get my facebook page set up (I've got a page, but it's shamefully blank at this point.) I'm not intending to overload myself; a twice a week practice will be very doable. And joing TPS simply means I am privy to perhaps some better quality audition notices than on yahoo callboards. It's not a super aggressive plan, it's just enough to back in the game, to feel like trying to have a baby isn't the end all be all to my days and nights.
Honestly, I was starting to resent every single thing I was doing to try and conceive; down to the prenatal vitamins I've been taking since January. I just didn't want to do it anymore. Granted, maybe that means we should take a break from trying, but honestly that approach didnt' feel right. But when I talked with Dan, and he was honest about his concern about me taking a break from my career, it fell into place. I'm not frustrated with taking my temp and doing meditation perse, I'm frustrated with making all those things into my life. I need something more than that. So, I am picking this up again, I am not waiting around for life to start or for a baby. Life has already started, life is now, it's here, and it's pretty good really. With all the frustrations and sadness over not conceiving yet, there is some wonderful things in our life.
My brother and sister-in-law are helping us get into a house/condo/townhome. It's surreal to actually be looking at buying something! And so wonderful to think about.
Dan has given the pitch package for a feature film to a guy who is really enthusiastic about the project and is shopping it around for investment.
I am months away from beginning to secure an agent for my book.
Life is good, life is happening outside of having a baby.
I dont' want this to be so consuming any more. I am so tired of that. I want it to be here, something that's going on, but not the main thing. I want to sink my teeth into more of life, not just this part.
And let me tell you, it hasn't always been this way. But, it is now.