She recommended two different options:
*A drug called Clomid, which makes women ovulate and has been proven to increase f ertility even in women who are ovulating regularly; like me.
*Clomid plus IUI
The difference in success between just Clomid and Clomid with IUI is negligiable, with Clomid + IUI being slightly higher.
The side effects of the Clomid is breast tenderness, vaginal dryness, hot flashes. And in cancer research, they are finding a disturbing connection between women who have taken fertility drugs and those who develop cervical and uterine cancer. That makes me understandably nervous.
Dan and I decided that we would try one more cycle without any drugs or treatments and see if we can't bet preggers the old fashioned way; if I'm not already. then we would revisit this and see. We really wonder if doing just IUI would help, especially if Dan's morphology is still low. I've always been real nervous about taking fertility drugs and still hold out hope that I won't have to do any of it.
I've been struggling with my Chi Gong exercises, doing them consistently that is. I've really liked them, and I know they've helped, but inserting them in my daily routine has been a challenge. I really want to, and since it takes about a month to build a habit, I need to give myself some time. Trouble is, I'm sometimes not so patient with such things.
I've felt really calm about this cycle, having only moments of panic or sadness or doubt. It's been such a relief. I'm not sure what I think about this cycle, and I've got a few more days before I know anything for certain. I'm not gonna say if I think this or that, partly because I don't want to feel stupid if I'm wrong, and for another I'd really just rather keep it private. It's a delicate thing, this feeling of being or not being. The slightest word, well intentioned though it may be, can send someone into a spiral of doubt and sadness. Dan and I have had moments of that. Well meaning friends cautioning us to not think that just because we want a baby that God will give us one, or not to assume that we were meant to be parents. Trying to help us think of things in a different way, trying to be supportive, but really stealing hope.
How do you tell someone? How does people who's never been through this supposed to know? You don't tell them, because you can't afford to alienate people who genuinely care. They don't know, because chances are, you're the first couple they've met who has had trouble conceiving a child.
So, you grin and thank them, and fume at home.
Dan and I talked about our Life Group in front of the church a week ago. We got a lot of people telling us how wonderful it was that we were brave enough to say what little we did about our experiences, and how wonderful it was to want to support others in this struggle. I had two women come up to me, older women who have grown children, who both told me that they were once in our shoes, and how they wished we were around when they were struggling with infertility.
It made me feel good. It made me feel less alone. No one has signed up, I really don't think they will, but I'm ok with that. It's out at the church now, and some great people have been coming up to me, saying their praying for us. Our friends there are being really supportive and loving. It's a relief actually, because I was never sure how to tell them what we were going through. Now they know and they come up to me, ask me how I am. And I feel comfortable telling them either way, because they really care to know.
I still hope for the group to start up, don't get me wrong. But this is nice in the mean time.
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