Letting go isn't a bad thing

Dan and I were talking the other night about how strange we feel about all this now. For me I feel in an odd state of peace and yet limbo with a side of frustration. I feel relieved about taking this month off as well as last month. I feel relieved that in all reality we don't have to have timed sex any more. WHOOO HOOO!!! The spontanaiety is back baby!!! Maybe too much info for ya but...(shrug) Oh well.
I will still have to pee on a stick in the mornings and take my temp when we decide to go for IUI because that will tell us when to go in for the injection but other than that our "Oh my god I'm fertile do me right now" way of being intimate is on the shelf.
I feel an almost frightening sense of letting go; not giving up just...letting go. I'm not sure how else to say it. Dan and I talked about how it almost feels like a bad thing, like we shouldn't be having this great sense of release and like a good part of the heavy weight we've been carrying around is off our shoulders....We humans are so weird! "I'm not unhappy or stressed, something is wrong with me!! AAHHH!"
Anyway, it's good, this letting go. It freaked me out at first, but I think I'm getting into it. I'm ok with focusing on our new home and getting ready for that instead of thinking about us not having a baby yet. I even started thinking of looking into adoption services, but I really think that is way too premature.
We're hoping to start the IUI ball rolling next month; but that's only if I can get into my OB in time. These fertility Dr's are sometimes seriously back logged. It's really frustrating.
I like to think that this letting go is that "magical" switch that I've been waiting for. That ability to live with this without dissolving into tears at the sight of my nephew or a pregnant woman's belly. We both know that there are still ups and downs ahead of us; it's part of the process. But we both feel like it's not a matter of learning to get rid of the ups and downs, it's a matter of riding the wave, and learning how to do that. That's a good life lesson to have anyway, it just sucks we have to learn it like this. On the other hand, I guess that's just life, huh? We all have these times, we all learn these lessons differently, God knows that and molds us accordingly; although I'm not really sure how much of this type of situation is from God....I have a hard time believing God would zap Dan's sperm. But, it's comforting to know; even when I may not want to, that He/She can work around anything; nothing is too impossible for Him/Her. Nothing.